Just DON'T READ

I always wonder...

"Why do I never get contented with my life?"

I have twice the number of parents a normal kid has.
I have great friends.
I do well in school.
I eat three times a day, (sometimes more than three times)
I have nice clothes to warm me.
I have at least 4 houses to go home at.
I study in a prestigious school.

...What more could I ask for?

But why do I still whine? And keep on asking for more when I already have more than what the others have? And sometimes, I am not even thankful for all the things I have.

I was/am still a brat. I always have to get everything I want. I throw tantrums if I don't. I get angry with my mom, with my dad, with whoever person who wont give me what I want.


I realize/know/ am aware that what I am doing is wrong and annoying. But I am not doing something/anything to remedy that.

I just love the feeling of being a brat. Someone who is always annoying, a nuisance, someone who is always hated.

I love being the Devil's Advocate. The one who always find flaws from everything. During a perfectly sunny day, I always manage to find a thundercloud. On a well-written story/poem, I always see plot holes.

I don't see any good on people, especially on myself. I am not good enough, never good enough. I am worth nothing. I am not even special.

I am the ugly-duckling born amongst the flock of pretty swans. I am the mute idiot in the middle of people born with the gift of gab. I am the weakling soldier who cannot even carry her own dagger to battle.

I am nothing but ME. I am nothing.

Maybe that is the main reason why people just love to hurt me. Maybe they think that I don't even deserve the respect that 'normal' people is born with. I deserve nothing, not even an insult because I am not important enough. I don't matter to people. And if I die, at this day in this moment, no one would notice. no body would care.

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another angst post. I just hope that this would be the last. I hope after this, I'll be able to find my self-worth. I really hope so.

The damage done is so great. Greater than the damage left by Ryoi-chan. I'm having a hard time moving on. Oh those IDIOTS!