Let's play tag!

It is my prelims week this err week. I just got back from Bulacan (mom's place). I happen to stay at my Lola's house every weekdays, because it is so much convenient for me to be staying here rather than going home to either my dad's or mom's house (which is far from school). I haven't been home (bulacan) for 2weeks due to loads of school stuffs so I went home for the weekend. And I'm missing my mom big time too.

Earlier today, at the bus going to Manila, I accidentally dropped my ID card on the floor and this guy-student who just sits beside me picked it up(nursing student I think, anyway nursing students aren't very hard to distinguish). But before he gave it back, I saw him peeped at my name (reason? I DON'T KNOW) then he asked if I am Chinese. Weird guy but of course I said no. Must be something with my surname. My surname's Indiongco and many people have been mistaking it for a Chinese surname. To clear things up guys, I ALREADY SELF-PROCLAIMED THAT IT IS NOT! I have nothing against Chinese people and I have lots of Chinese friends and I have cousins who are Chinese, its just that I don't want to be seen as one that's all.

Anyway back to this nursing guy, he kept on insisting that I must be Chinese because not only my name sounds Chinese I also happen to not have big round cute eyes. Okay, another clarification, my eyes are not round and big but that doesn't make me a Chinese.

Well, I don't normally talk to strangers, uhm, maybe back in high school I do. I can't help it. I am one of those "hi/hello-stranger!-let's-be-friends!" type of girl then. I am a firm believer that if everyone would just be friends with anyone then the world would be a better place to live in. But that was before, when I was a trusting naive girl, not anymore.

I got side-tracked again. Back to nursing-guy, maybe he sensed that I am already irritated with his prodding so he stopped. We then lapsed into a comfortable silence. I was looking at the passing scenery outside the window when nursing-guy tapped me. I looked at him inquiringly, while my string of thoughts flowed into the playful side of the situation "Is this guy trying to pick me up?", but before entertaining more thoughts on that subject he said...

Nursing Guy: Hinde mo na talaga ako matandaan no?(You really don't remember me don't you?)

I stared at him for a while, I must look like an idiot staring at him, then I shook my head. No matter how much I delve into my dusty memory, I can't seem to remember him then I thought, "Aha!Lame pick up line! This guy's definitely picking me up" then from the playful side my thoughts run on the dangerous side "maybe this guy is a robber and is one of those guys who hypnotize people before robbing them off!"

Nursing Guy: Maria Yvette D. Indiongco. Hinde mo na ba talaga ako matandaan? ("my full-name" don't you really remember me?)
me: hinde!

Then I looked away. I wont fall for that. Of course he knows my full name. He just saw my ID minutes ago, he even asked if I am Chinese.

He called my name again and I started getting scared. I was planning on calling for help from anyone who is willing enough to help. This nursing guy is really freaking me out. But before I even put my plan into action he called me again, but this time not with my name but with my nickname, which happens to be used by only the people who truly knew me.

Nursing Guy: Vetzky, ako ito, si [insert name here]. Remember? (Vetzky, it's me [insert name here] . Remember?) *I won't mention names!=p.. better be safe..

And that's when memories came rushing through.

He was a classmate back in Elementary years, if I am not mistaken we've been classmates for a short time only. He's a transferee at my school when I was in 5th grade. I bullied him. Yeah I was a bully, a worst one for that matter. (though he was the only person I bullied in my entire 19 years of existence, I just don't like him I guess) But I was very sorry for that. When I have matured a little and realized everything I've done, I felt guilty, so guilty I was so set on finding him and apologize to him. But it was too late, I'm not giving myself too much unnecessary credit but I think he transferred school in our 6th grade because of my bullying. But looking at him now, he had changed so much. He was not that idiot-looking kid I used to bully. But I still have to apologize, and apologize I did. And it goes like this.

me: [nursing guy's name] ? as in my classmate before?
Nursing Guy: Oo ako nga. Long time no see ah (Yes, its me. Long time no see)
me: Hinde kita nakilala. (I didn't recognize you)
Nursing Guy: weird pero ikaw nakilala kita pagkakita ko sayo (weird, I recognized you the moment I saw you)

I smiled, then I suddenly remembered that I have to apologize. I was fidgeting on my seat because I am not very good with apologies. I have this skyscraper high pride. But I still did it.

me: so, how's life?
Nursing Guy: Okay, so many has changed since we last saw each other.
me: I can see! I barely recognized you nga diba?
Nursing Guy: Pero alam mo sa lahat ng naging classmate naten, ikaw lang ung hinde nakakilala sa aken. (But you know, of all our classmates then, you were the only one who didn't recognized me)
me: mahina memory ko eh (Weak memory.)
Nursing Guy: oh baka naman kinalimutan mo na talaga ako (Maybe you intentionally erased me from your memory)
me: may sasabihin nga pala ako sayo (I have something to tell you)
me: natatandaan mo pa nung grade 5 tayo? bad girl ako nun. pero hinde ako nakapagsorry, too late na ba kung magsosorry pa ako (remember when we were in 5th grade? I was a bad girl but I wasn't able to say sorry. Is it too late if I say sorry now?)

I don't know what I was thinking, but I was expecting him to suddenly turn cold then start to list all the bad things I did to him then tell me what a despicable wretch I am. But he did none of those things. Instead he pat me on the head and said

"We were all children back then. We do things that we don't mean to do. I didn't held a grudge on you. Even before you apologized, even before I saw you today, I already forgave you. But that doesn't mean I did not hated you then. I just wish I knew why you are so intent on bullying me."

He was a nice guy and I was really a very bad girl for treating him that way before. I remember I even cam to the point of spreading nasty rumors about him so that no one would want to be friends with him. And how people believed me then. There was also a time when I dumped all the contents of my juice container on him. I dumped all that sticky orange juice all over him without any reason at all, except that I just want to dump it on him.

Being forgiven by someone is a very refreshing feeling. And since I was a kid, I always cry easily. I even cry for the shallowest things. So after he said that, I just can't stop myself from crying(but not out loud, I just can't stop the tears from falling). Nursing Guy looked like he didn't know what to do. So he just rubbed my back and kept on saying that I should stop crying because that was all in the past. I shouldn't waste tears anymore because it's already over.

What's done is done. He had forgiven me. And as for why I bullied him, I also don't know. It's just that the moment I set my eyes on him I already hated him. But as he have said, that was in the past. We talked about a lot of things like what happened after he transferred, the persons we met and the reason why our paths crossed again today. I told him, maybe God wanted me to apologize and let go of things that are pulling me down. Then he said that's good and offered his hand of friendship again. And this time, I took in without hesitation.

I may not admit it, but that thing about bullying him in the past kept on pulling me down (maybe because I was so guilty and I cannot believe that I can be that bad to someone who did nothing wrong to me) and I wont be able to let go unless I apologize, and maybe God really planned this encounter so I may apologize for the bad things I've done in the past.

When I look back in the past I see how I lived my life, I was always the childish immature brat. I always have to get what I want and I throw tantrums every time I don't. I always alter my voice so that it would sound nauseatingly child-like (well, at that time I thought is was cute). I do things rashly, without even thinking of its outcome. I keep on hurting other people's feelings. I was a f*cking bastard and I didn't care!

Maybe I am still like that sometimes, even though I'm already 19 and turning 20 before this year ends. I can't seem to help but be a brat at times. I may be a bad girl in the past and I may have done so many mistakes and some are beyond repair, but I can say that I have learned from each and every mistake and bad thing I did. And for that, I grew up a strong girl. I fall a lot of times but every time I fall, I am still able to stand up and be a better person.

Not everyone whom I've wronged in the past are capable of forgiving me and giving me another chance to friendship. But all those person made me up to what I am now. Not the immature vetzky anymore but definitely not the very mature vetzky yet. I am still somewhere in between, a place where God is giving me opportunities to fix what can still be fixed and make my future a better place to live in.

I may be a despicable wretch before but that cannot keep me away from having the chance to be a better person.

I have played tag with the past for so long now and it may already have caught me red-handed and off-balance, but I still have enough strength to stand up again. The past catches up with my present for sure this time, but I wont ran away from it again. From now on, I will run with it side by side until it gets tired and I can outran it again and then I will continue running until I can catch up to my elusive but definitely bright future.