Things UNSAID...

Was browsing some old pictures when I came across one particular album, then I remembered, I wasn’t able to blog the details of this album. It was our last Christmas party as college students, held at Shane’s place in Caloocan.

I’m wondering why I didn’t blog on the details. Normally, I would because it is a special event. But then it hit me. The reason why I chose not to post what happened that night. But that was PAST now and everything is so YESTERDAY. I’m way past guilty feelings and rejected apologies.

Forgot the exact date, but a day right after Paskuhan (university-wide xmas party of UST) we held our very own class xmas party. A night of fun (NO KJs), gift-giving, over-flowing foods and over-flowing drinks. Also a night of apologies, tears and confessions. It is a night I should remember but opted to forget. And now that I am reminiscing, let’s see where my time-travel to the past will take me.

Met up with Ralph and so many other people in KFC Welcome Rotonda. We went together to Shane’s place, a little bit earlier, to help in the pre-party preparations. Because of the early arrival, Shane, Diane and I busied ourselves preparing the prices for the games and the give-aways. The prices were all bought days before, by us of course.

Anyway, people started coming, and the party started. It started with a prayer, an oath of sportsmanship, and merry Christmas greetings… Then games one after another, foods, exchange of gifts…

Everything went on smoothly as planned, everyone is enjoying themselves, until the last part of the party. The “apologize or take the shot” game. The rules were simple. Just apologize to someone in the class and then the class will judge if your answer is acceptable or not. If not then you would have to take a shot.

I know I have so many things to apologize for, especially to Alu and Joven (my 2 EX close friends), But as the game continued, by and by I’m losing my confidence. And after hearing my classmates answers, I came to realize that no one is taking the game seriously, so why should I? So when it was my turn (I was the last), I just took the shot. I have lost my courage to apologize. I have lost the REASON to apologize.

I feel bad. The activity wasn’t able to achieve its goal, which is to bond the class. I hated myself, I hated them. So I drowned the pain, the hate with alcohol. After 4 bottles of red horse and half a bottle of tequila, I was crying my heart out to anyone who was willing to listen. And to my surprise, many were willing. One special person even wiped my tears for me. I remember, I blogged that particular event, it was entitled “So hateful”. If I remember it correctly, he offered me his hanky but I refused using it. So what he did was he just wiped away the tears. A simple gesture, but at that time, it was what clear my alcohol-infused mind.

I spilled so many secrets that night. Things I have no intention of mentioning to anyone. But once I started to talking, nothing was able to stop me. Fortunately, the people I talked to forgot half of what I was telling them too.=D

The night full of confessions and tears, a night I opted to forget but now found the courage to immortalize. I know, if I don’t do this post, I would forget everything about that night someday. But I want to remember it. I’m not running away anymore, I’m not apologizing anymore, I can face everything head on again.=D

So that’s it. My last class Christmas party, retold.=D