What is wrong with me?

*before anything else.. I just want to clear up something.. I have no grudge against Sir Verge, whatsoever.. With regards to my previous post "Getting Ready for 2007".. It is not grudge.. Actually, I was motivated by what he said that's why I want to prove him wrong.. I didn't take it negatively because there is nothing negative about what he said.. It actually served as an eye-opener for me.. waah.. wag nu po aku susumbong ah.. whoever you are..=p*


To love and be loved in return is so effing addictive, really. Especially for me, who falls in love frequently.. and take note, falls in love with different guys everytime..=p.. Its a no joke.. I happen to be an easy prey when it comes to falling in love.. And when I fall, I fall hard..

I remember, back in high school, I have an ultimate crush.. His name is Francis and he's a year older than me.. HE was the first person I met, saw in high school.. except for Chen that is.. The story of our meeting isn't even unique.. It was my first day in UST hs and I dont know anyone, except for Chen and we are not classmates.. I was walking along the hallway when I suddenly bumped into someone and dropped my jacket..I was about to pick it up when the person (francis) I bumped into beat me to it.. it goes like this..

francis : Miss, jacket mo.
me: *looking like a complete idiot* uhh.. opo.. thank you..

All the while I was ogling at him like he was a god-sent angel.. And that's when I decided.. I must have this guy no matter what.. Looking back, I realized that I really am an idiot for pining for Francis for atleast 6 years! What the eff is wrong with me? I was pining for a guy who doesn't even know of my existence until I was in my junior years.. I was so effing loyal then.. Until my sophomore year in college.. I was still pining for him.. Though I am saying that I've moved on.. In the depths of my heart I am still harboring a silent plea that someday he'll be able to reciprocate my feelings.. How foolish of me..

Hmm.. how's that for an intro? =p.. What Im pointing out is.. To be loved in return by someone you love, the feeling, it is elating.. I am so happy that even before I let go and let myself fall in the endless abyss of insanity.. Someone reached for my hand and held it tight..=).. Thanks a lot..

Now back, to the 'grudge' issue.. I swear I have no grudge against Sir verge, if anything else, he motivated me, as i mentioned before. People rarely motivate me, I motivate myself. I listen to others opinion and insights but they rarely affect me. But Sir Verge, what he said to us 'hit home'.. Based on my much more previous post "Free from hiatus" I mentioned there that the problem is not with the prof or with the subject.. It is me.. The problem is me.. I dont focus and I dont set my priorities., But I'm planning on changing that.. From now on,, I want to set my priorities and devote myself to achieving, if not the best, but something more from what I have now. I know I can do better and I'm doing everything I can for that 'better'.. So, to sum this up.. I'm clarifying things guys,, I hold no grudge against anyone.. I never hold grudges.. hmm.. I think that is another bad thing about me.. I forgive so easily and I give back my trust again so easily.. What is wrong with me?? Can somebody tell me what's wrong with me?