A very frustrating posT!!

Okay, so what if I am childish at times? I can't help it, I am child. This whole set up is getting into my nerves and I'm getting frustrated!!!

Why is it so f*cking frustrating when that thing you wanted all your life is the one thing you can never have? And to make things worse, even though you know that no matter what you do, you cannot have it, you still sacrifice everything for the sake of trying to acquire that one thing. IT'S SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!

Shin is right, my life is a mess and I have no idea what I'm gonna do about it. Hay.. Why do I have to be so stupid as to reject his offer of help, when I know that i badly needed that. I can be so friggin' stupid and I chose this time, of all times, to develop my stupidity. I remember our conversation just an hour ago, and it goes like this

Shin: bakit mo sinasarili lahat?
me: hinde naman po ah, kung sinasarili ko ikkwento ko ba sa iyo?
shin: then why did you have to wait this long to tell me that?
me: kase po, I don't know how to say it. At saka sabe ko po sayo diba meron akong new semester res0lution(previous post) at saka po graduating ka na, super busy ka na po, ayaw na kita istorbohin.
Shin: Alam ko, you dont have to rub it in. Ako nga yung nagooffer ng help diba.

It doesn't make any sense right? We were talking about my dilemma. Haay..='(

I feel so terrible, I feel as if I'm not treating Shin the proper way he should be treated. I mean, he's always there when I need him, he never leaves me, but then I don't , can't, give him what he truly needs and deserves. Waah.. another frustration!! I want to make him happy, and I know how to, but I cannot do it, I cannot make him happy. It shouldn't be me.='( Shin I am very sorry.. I know you understand me and I know you are willing to wait.. But how long? how long will I make you wait?

This so frustrating! My life is a joke! It is falling into pieces, right in front of my very eyes, and I do nothing. And it is so F*CKING FRUSTRATING!!