Confessions of a judgmental coed : Truth

She is LOST and she's very well aware of it.

Maika was feeling very stupid already, "who gets lost in a mall?" she muttered to herself, "let me rephrase that, how can a 20 yr old person get lost in a mall?"

She's irritated and tired. Her feet are aching, and she's getting really sleepy. Maika's been to Megamall at least a hundred times already and besides she was just there 3 weeks ago. How come everything is still very unfamiliar to her. She is just looking for one shop, one coffee shop really and it already took her one and a half hour just going around in circles.

Finally, she did the first most intelligent thing she did that day; ask directions. So after almost 2 hours of walking around with no particular direction; she finally found it.

She ordered the usual, took a sit and started texting her friends, bugging them about something unimportant. And she was getting really bored. Until he came.

It happened so fast, Maika did not noticed it until he was there standing by her side carrying his own tray. Maika looked up and she was surprised. She have been avoiding him for almost a year now, and seeing him again was like seeing him for the first time. Maika was speechless.

"Can we share?" he said pointing at the empty seat in front of her. Without waiting for her answer, he put down his tray and sat in front of her.

They were both silent for a while. Maika can't believe what is happening. She looked down, grabbed her drink and poised to stand up. But he was always faster, he grabbed her hand, "Stay", he said,

Maika wanted to go away, walk away. But her heart is screaming for her to stay and she gave in. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with sharing a table with an old acquaintance, right? It would just be a 'catching up with each other over a cup of coffee' thing. It would be harmless.

And how Maika wished she was really right.

He started talking first. He begun with the customary polite greeting and inquiries about how things have been going. Thru that, Maika found out that he and his girl are still going out. There was a sharp pang in her heart at the same time she felt relieved. At least, while knowing that he is still taken, nothing will work out.

But the flow of the conversation turned dangerously sharp.It was gearing to more intimate things, more complicated things. And memories, good and bad, came back all at once. Maika was shocked by it intensity. The supposed to be harmless friendly chit-chat is turning into something dangerous, yet exciting at the same time.

And those five words that made up one question, broke everything Maika tried so hard to build.
And those three words that made up one answer, made Maika the worse person she could ever be.

And in that 30 minutes of catching up with each other, one big decision was made and a much more bigger mistake was committed.

But Maika, for the first time, did not regret anything that happened that night.

When it happens, it happens all at once..

For someone who has no sense of direction at all; I sure know how to find my way to trouble, BIG trouble.

It was my dad's birthday last Friday; I wasn't able to celebrate with him for one obvious reason. Last Friday was Good Friday, I was somewhere far. You know, a remote place where you have to be at the rooftop just to get a decent signal for your mobile phones.

So as to make-up for not being there on his birthday, I planned to surprise him by going to his office bringing this overly-priced cake and cheap wine while singing "Happy Birthday to you!"

Well, that was the planned.. until my oh-so-great sense of direction started to betray me. Will you please tell me,

"Can a person get lost on her way home while taking the road she's been taking her whole life?"

No normal person can. And that is the reason, I've admitted, for a long time already, that I am not a normal person. Would you believe it, I've been to Recto(a place in manila) for at least a hundred times already and I still did not know that it was called Recto?

In no time, I was already asking my dad and everyone else for directions. So much for the surprise.

It is always like that. Even though I've been to a particular place for many consecutive times already, when I stop coming to that place for a while then go back, nothing would seem familiar anymore.

Another example is SM Megamall. Back then, when life was all honey and roses, my mom and dad will always take me there to ice skate. But when life took a sharp turn, everything changed. blahblahblah...(no need to go into the details) what I'm pointing at is? "Who the heck gets lost in shopping malls nowadays?" well, except for children that is. But I'm not a child anymore. I am a 20year old lady already; a 20year old who still gets lost in malls. What a shame!

That's not all. If my stupid sense of direction is not worse enough; I happen to bump into someone that I've been avoiding for 1 year now. And because of that, decisions were made and mistakes were once again committed.

As of now, I am already in a BIG trouble and with the look of things, I think I'm heading for a much bigger one. God help me.

As I have mentioned above, For someone who has no sense of direction at all; I sure know how to find my way to trouble, BIG trouble.

I hate people like you...

...Too bad we're too much alike, so I hate myself too..

Currently, I am reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and I am totally engrossed. I cannot, dare not put the book down. Meyer has this talent to captivate her readers; satisfying their thirst just to make the readers thirst for more.

I don't want to tell you the plot(too lazy) but I highly recommend it. I'll be buying the second book tomorrow, before going to the province. It is a series, 3 books are already out; 4th book is coming out on September I think.

Anyway, as some may have already noticed; my mind is not functioning properly these past few days. I cannot write a single decent thing. May it be a poem, essay or short piece crap. And it's frustrating. I want to write again. Anything just to feel that glorious feeling of being able to write something nice and worth reading.

Waa, I forgot, I'll be doing graduation letters for my friends. And believe it or not; though I am a despicable creature, I still have lots of friends to write to. And d*mN it, I don't know where and whom to start with. I think I'll just be spending this whole Lenten season reflecting, praying and writing letters.

My dear friends!! I miss you so much already!! waa!!

Jayjay's birthday = Bowling day

Well, as mentioned above it was Jayjay's birthday TODAY.

He texted me last night, or was it the other night? He was inviting me over for lunch and since I am itching to get out of the house I decided to go.

Actually, I am still not on the mood to blog anything yet but because I forgot to bring my camera today, I cannot let the pictures tell you their story because there are NO PICTURES. So I have no choice but to blog on the details.

Anyway there was Jayjay, Nolwin, Leo, Marc, Jermin, Ralph and me; we met at out usual meeting place(guidance office) at around 12noon, then had our lunch in YellowCab then played bowling, and that's when the fun really started. Everyone was so good whilst Ralph and I played horribly.=p

I dare not say that it was my first time playing bowling today. I've been playing with my dad before. But the ball was heavy and I have a weak grip. While the others are on a strike and spare galore, Ralph and I were having intimate bonding moments with gutter balls. It was embarassing really, but we still had fun.

After two games, I asked the guys to accompany me to powerbooks for a while. I am looking for a book authored by Stephenie Meyer; and I've been to at least 4 bookstore and it was always out of stock. Luckily, Powerbooks RP still has stocks and I was able to buy the first book. Yey, 2 more books to go. It was a series.

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WAA!!

What the hell was that post (above)? Nothing made sense! And it is badly written, Waa.. This post is due for future revisions.I am really not in the mood to post anything. Anyway, I'll be posting again some time soon and I'll be editing this stupid post. waa..

Tribute to 4-IT-A

This is a for you my dear classmates.. I know there are issues, misunderstandings, and whatever that is going on between all of us. Let's all put that aside now. CEASE-FIRE guys!

We are already graduating. This is it! The moment we are all waiting for. Let us cherish it. Keep it.

We've been together for at least 2 years or so now. We laughed, sang, ate, drank, cried, yelled, got frustrated together... We shared secrets, problems, crushes, stories with each other.

This is a stupid work. But somehow, it shows how differently similar we are.

Cheers to us 4-IT-A Batch '08
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Ang 4-IT-A ay isang section sa engineering na puno ng halo-halo at makukulay na personalidad. Iba't ibang personalidad na pinagsama sama sa iisang kwela at makasaysayang klase.

Ang 4-IT-A ay pinamumunuan ng preseident na si Joven na bestfriend ng makulit na si Tomas na boyfriend na DL na si Ayna na kabarkada ng palangiti na si Alu na inlove ng sobra sa Landlord na si Lubert na katropa ng tahimik na si Van na dating katropa ng bouncer na si Paz na kapit-bahay na mahinhin na si Carleen na madalas katabe sa upuan ng kikay na si Ace na dating naiiissue sa intsik na si Jayjay na kapwa adik sa dota ng JavaLord na si Nolwin na sobra kung malate tulad ng matadang si Kevin na laging tinitira ng pang-aasar ang tomboy na si Joan na kaagaw sa boyfriend ang maniac na si Leo na maypagka-L din tulad ng minute-programmer na si Aaron na kasing-lupit sa programming ng maharot na si Joshua na ka-thesis mate ang tahimik na si Karen na madalas kasama ng maputing si Shane na kadaldalan tuwing MIS ng heartthrob na si Diane na ka-love team naman ang makupad na si Ralph na laging hinihintay ng pasaway na si Yvette na insecured sa magandang boses ng songer na si Ysai na iniirog ng bad boy na si Mark na katukayo naman ng matandang intsik na si Marc na madalas kalaro sa Tekken ang confident na si Alvin na may PSP din tulad ng adik na si Janos na kagroup sa thesis ang magaling mag-english na si Gisela na tuwang-tuwang pinapakinggan ng dati'y mataba pero ngayon ay payat na na si Jhapi na hinihinalang may relasyon kay BEARy Jermin na madalas pagkamalang kapatid ng well-organized na si Walt na lageng ipinagtatanggol ng righteous na si EZ na OIC nung seminar kasama ng game na si Kim na vice president ng responsableng president na si Joven.

Yan ang 4-IT-A; may mga pagkakaiba ngunit iisa.

STOP!

Please stop degrading my hero!! Stop degrading superman!

It's just isn't right! You can not be him, NEVER!

It's making me throw up. I hate people like you, I hate the things people like you like. So stop liking my superhero.

It doesn't make any sense.. sheesh!!!

Confessions of a judgmental coed : The truth

She tried reaching out, but they strayed farther away. She was left alone, with nothing left but memories.

"You're missing them. You're missing them so bad you can't think straight."

That's what he told her. That's what she denied.

How can she be missing them when she was badly hurt by them? She is happy and contented in what she have right now, she dare not ask for anything more. And anyway, they don't miss her too.

But she can't help but reminiscing all the times she spent with them. All the laughters, the jokes, the tears, the sugary-sweet-overly romantic stories, the stories of childhood, the times of whats in and whats not. Everything. Even the difficult times. Every memory is engraved in her mind, in her heart.

BUT

She's not missing them. Yes, that's it. She's not missing them. She just miss the happy times, the good times and all the times they were together. So its not THEM she is missing, just the times she spent with them.

She told that to him. Reasoned out. Argued. Denied. But all he replied was,

"Maika, you're not a very good liar. Why bother trying?"

Confessions of a judgmental coed : Pretty-face

She should have known, she should have noticed. He liked her.

It was not impossible to like her. She is beautiful, she is divine; she is smart, she is witty; she is everything a guy dreams of, she is everything Maika's not.

It was an obvious reality. A reality Maika refused to see but was forced to believe. Even before Maika started liking Yahj, she already know that her stupid crush would take her nowhere. But she did nothing about it. Anyway, its just a stupid crush.

What she didn't foresee was that she could fall for him. It seems so impossible at first, really. Yahj is just another pretty-face boy for her; nice and gentlemanly pretty-faced boy but a pretty-faced boy nonetheless. And she do not fall for those kinds. It really surprised her when she realized that she already fell for him. And it was already too late to do anything.

Now, all she can do is admit that Yahj is a pretty-face who lived in her fantasies and managed to crawl into her heart. Marking a permanent spot whether he decides to stay or not. And he decided not to stay.

What the eff? This is the reason why Maika never fall for pretty-faces before. Because pretty-faced boys always fall for pretty-faced girls. And unfortunately, Maika is not just another pretty-face.

Confessions of a judgmental coed : Realizations

thump.thump.thump. goes her heart.

And all she did was stare at him. It's been weeks now. Whenever Maika sees Yahj, her heart always does a 360 degree somersault. NOT A GOOD SIGN.

Everyone who knows her, knows that she is harboring this secret 'desire' for Yahj, but not as intense as what she is feeling right now. She is used to 'butterflies in stomach' feelings; she can handle well her blushes; and she is very familiar with all the sudden smiles that touches her lips every time she sees Yahj. But, somersaulting hearts? It is very strange and new to her.

These past months, she and Yahj have been closer. They can already share problems and secrets with each other as if they were friends for a very long time.

Then one day, Maika dared to look at Yahj straight in the eyes, an that's when it first happened. Her heart did a 360 degree somersault and was restless as if it wanted to break free from her ribcage.

She was denying it at first. But now, she can deny it no more. Her past wounds have healed. She is ready to fall again. And fall she did.

Confessions of a judgmental coed : Writer's Block

She is staring at the blank piece of paper with a pen at her hand. Maika has been tring to write something acceptable, but for some reason she's not able to produce something worth reading. It's ages since she last wrote something that passed her standards. And she's missing the feeling. The feeling of writing and the feeling of joy whenever she finishes whatever she was writing.

"Take a deep breath and write" - was what the text from him said.

And she's been doing that for hours now. But no nothing yet.Maika fiddled for her cellphone and started dialing a very familiar number. After a 'few' rings, someone finally picked up.

"Damn it Bang! I can't write a f*cking thing!" and she hung up.

4, 5 seconds passed; her phone started ringing. It was Bang. And he was pissed.

All she needed was a damn good scolding from Bang to make her explode. She's feeling shitty whole week. Bang commented on her being so childish and on the top of that, a spoiled brat. Of course, Maika won't accept that without a fight. They argued like idiots for almost an hour, until someone got thoroughly pissed and hung up. She can't remember who though.

What was his problem? All she did was call him and and curse him then tell him that his advice isn't working. Then why the hell did he reacted that way? She should be pissed as hell now, but surprisingly, she feels a lot better. Maybe that's what she really needed to blow off some steam. But she still cannot understand why he scolded her.

Anyway, it was he who said that whenever she feels like calling, she can call him anytime. He's her only refuge and ally. She feels like she's been thrown in the den of lions unarmed and no one was there to be with her. She's all alone, but then Bang came. He wasn't able to go down the den of lions to be literally with her but she knows he's there. Unlike the other who pretends that are there for her, literally by her side, but she cannot feel their presence.

She's not feeling good and she needs him now, but then he is acting like a stupid idiot.

Maika looked at her clock and checked the time. It was already 3am.
She smiled, then she started laughing.

She picked up her pen again, took a deep breath and started writing.