I'm trying my best here...

I've given up on you...

I think, twice is enough to make me realize that you are not ONE BIT interested in me; that you don't feel the same way I feel. Waiting in vain is still waiting in vain no matter how much one hopes for something to happen. The end will still be the same, actually there'll be no end. It will be like falling into an eternal abyss, waiting, waiting, and still waiting.

So now, I've made up my mind. I've decided to stop before it will be too late to stop. Stopping now, when the damage has been done is a lot better than stopping later when the damage would be irreparable.

Yes,I am already damaged. From all the things you did, all the things you did not said; I'm completely damaged now. But I never once believed that that damage would be irreparable. I can still stand up, I can still heal, I can still be complete again; not new, not perfect but still complete.

I'm trying my bestest best to be me again. I'm trying my best to move on. I don't want to stay feeling like this. It's effing effable (if there is such a term/phrase/whatever.)

I am so frustrated with myself right now. I want him. I want him by my side. I want him to be mine. But I can't... He can't... We can never be.. ='(