a cup of coffee

Two old best friends plus a cup of coffee plus a dozen of stories is equal to a very pleasurable experience.

Just finished my prelims today. I was glad I was able to make it through alive.=p.. I mean, studying is not that easy, and everyone cannot say no to that. Some may find studying great and pleasurable but no one can say that studying is easy because if they that it is, I think they are not studying enough.

Anyway, as I have mentioned, I just finished my last set of preliminary exams today and so as to celebrate it, I went out with Mika. Nothing wild, just had a cup of coffee and lots of stories to tell.

It's been so long since Mika and I 'talk' talked, you know with all those secrets and all. Yeah, we see each other often inside the University but it is just the casual 'hi/hello' thingie between acquaintances. BUT we're not just acquaintances, WE ARE BEST FRIENDS! But with our oh-so hectic schedule, we don't have enough time to share secrets, talk about like, boys, and everything there is to tell, we just have to content ourselves with at least that kind of interaction. And because of that, we really miss each other so much.

So as to make up with all those times and stories we miss, we planned a little get together. Unfortunately, Din wasn't able to come. So it's just me and Mika and our own cups of coffee.

We talked about a lot of things, about life, school, studies, friends and mostly about boys.
It's a very nice experience. At least through that, we know that we still have that special spot in each others heart because we can still tell one another secrets that we dare not tell our other friends.

And that is true friendship, despite the distance, literally and figuratively, we still manage to keep them special and keep ourselves special to them. Friendship isn't about distance or time, but it is all about the trust you give to your friend, and not bothering to take away that trust even though you don't see or talk to each other that often anymore. Also, true friends wont tell you what you want to hear rather they'll tell you what you really need to hear. And I am so grateful that I have more than enough true friends to last me a life time.

We also talked about the differences between high school life and college life. The changes we have willingly undergone and those we were forced to undergo. And we both changed. Changed more than what think. I was just so glad that even though we changed and became more different from each other than before, it didn't weaken our friendship, if anything else, it strengthen our bond. Because those differences is what makes us best of friends. I was happy because at that moment I didn't have to do anything just to please Mika because with her I can just be my true self. No pretentions. Just plain Vetzky. And that still makes me special to her.

Then I asked her,

"why is it that in high school friends that you can really call true friends are just like 'dog'-sh*ts scattered on the road? You can practically find them anywhere. And why in college they are as elusive as hell?"

I am not saying that I don't find my friends now as true friends. It's just that they are so few and very hard to find. I am not a perfect friend but I can say that I am a true friend and I don't pretend. Because if I don't want to be a friend to you, You'll feel it. I am never good with words. So I get disappointed, very disappointed when I meet people who are so good at pretending. Pretending to be a true friend when actually they are not. I also know where my loyalty lies.

And I think Mika's answer to my question was the best answer any one could give.

"True friends are really hard to find. Especially now in college where people are not even true people. But if you are still looking and you don't find any, just think of this. You have so many true friends now. Maybe you don't see them very often or are not always by your side. But that doesn't change the fact that they are true to you. If your friends right now can't be true to you, then just be true to them. True friendship is like love, freely given without expecting something in return. Anyway it's their loss. Not knowing to whom they should give their loyalties to."

A friend may not be a true friend to me but that doesn't stop me from being a true friend to her. I get affected easily especially when it comes to issues about friendship. And Mika knows that very much. So she said that I should not let them affect me. And for the nth time in my life. I would listen to her. I may be older in month but Mika is a much more mature thinker. So, even though I am a bit 'immature', that's okay, because I am so surrounded with so many mature friends who'll guide me along the way of maturity.

Nothing, as in nothing really beats bonding with your best friends each with a cup of coffee in their hands.

I LOVE YOU KULTO, DIANE and MIKA! We may not be there for each other in times of trouble, it doesn't matter because we don't have to be. Those times are for our 'friends' to make a heroic rescue.
We are best friends and best friends are there when we are in DEEP trouble, the time when all of those so-called 'friends' abandon us. Best friends don't have to do a heroic rescue. Just being by each other's side is fine. When I'm with you, everything becomes PERFECTLY fine.

Just like a cup of coffee during a very bad weather.

cliché saying - ratified

DISCLAIMER: I am not bitter! I am in love. Everything written below maybe a fact for me but not for anyone else and I meant no offense, so if someone somehow finds this post offensive, I won’t apologize. You should've been responsible enough to read this disclaimer.

"If you really love someone, set him free. And if he comes back then you're meant to be"

- A cliché saying often used by wandering souls (who just had their hearts broken) for the most obvious reason; COMFORT.

A human, like you, like me, like them, like everyone else wants nothing but to be comforted whenever we just let go of someone we treasured and loved for a very long time. And oftentimes we tend to turn to any source of comfort available and within our grasp. And that is where the role of that phrase comes in. We hold on to that saying as if it were some kind of a mantra; we use that mantra to convince ourselves that what we did is the best thing to do.

It is our human nature to fight for something we want or something very precious to us. Sometimes we fight wholeheartedly with our eyes closed, and sometimes we fight lamely as if always expecting that the worse will come out. But whatever way we use to fight, most fights still end up as a losing fight and we still need to give up. And once the painful reality of losing sinks in, we resort to the last and only thing there is to do; LET GO.

But it doesn’t stop with letting go. It never stops. Coz’ once we have let go of that someone precious we were so intent on holding on to, we tend to become parasitic imbeciles, hoping that we could hold/have that someone again all the while leaving all the work up to the hands of mysterious “Mr. Destiny” and “Mr. Fate”. And then, if we don’t get what we want, we get disappointed and blame “Mr. Destiny” and “Mr. Fate”. But we should know that those two cannot do all the work we expect them to do. There are at least 10 billion people in the world and more than half of that figure also leaves everything up to “Mr. Destiny” and “Mr. Fate”. How can we expect that pair to accomplish all that hard work in one lifetime?

I think once we have let go, we shouldn’t hope for a “coming back” event/situation. Letting go is a choice accompanied by finality. It could be a step or a decision or a mistake that once committed can never be recalled.

Let’s go back to the saying, “Let him go… if he comes back…” People we let go of never come back. If we believe that they do come back then we misunderstood what coming back really means.

When one person ‘comes back’, he goes to a place he’s been before, to the person he left behind and he was gone but he was not let go of. For example, a friend who is going abroad, after four years he comes back. That is coming back. We did not let go of that friend. Because even though he’s faraway, he is still a friend and he will be back as a friend. Coming back or not, he will always remain a friend.

But when we let go (as what the phrase means), we let go because we cannot be together with that person and there is no possibility of coming back. For example, a couple breaking up, when they break up and one let goes, they cannot be called a couple anymore. And when this couple meets again, we cannot say that “he/she came back” because if we say that, it is like saying that the same person came back. But that is not true. It is not the same person anymore. It may seem like it was like before but it doesn't feel like the same person anymore.

We let go because there is something that prevents us to keep them by our side. We let them go to enable them and us to change, grow up; so that someday when we meet them again (if only given the chance), we’ll be able to keep them for good.

If we let go, people disappear, sometimes the feelings for those people disappear too. Then, when we see them again they are already different person, we’ll be a different person. So if we meet again, we will definitely be strangers. And strangers don’t come back in our lives. And no matter how deep or great the feelings in the past is, stranger + another stranger start everything from scratch. How can there be a come back if everything is started from the very beginning? Even the feeling spark anew. Unless the fire wasn’t completely extinguished, and we cannot call that letting go.

As I said before, letting go is a choice accompanied with finality. Do not let go because it is the right thing to do. Sometimes the right thing is not the best thing. We should let go because it is what we feel. Letting go is not forced upon, it should be sincerely felt. The mind and the heart should be in sync and readied before letting go.

"If you really love someone, set him free. And if he comes back then you're meant to be" – I don’t say that this phrase is wrong, but according to my Logic teacher in high school, in an argument if one part is negative (wrong) then the whole argument must be negative (wrong). I have no right to rephrase this, but I think that saying should go like this "If you really love someone, set him free. If you meet him again then you're meant to be"

DISCLAIMER: I am reposting this disclaimer. I am not bitter! I am in love. Everything written below maybe a fact for me but not for anyone else and I meant no offense, so if someone somehow finds this post offensive, I won’t apologize. You should've been responsible enough to read this disclaimer.

Did you know that .....

One whole week is wasted because of the 'wrong' forecast of PAGASA (Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services) and of course the non-stop downpour of rain, courtesy of the tropical storm 'EGAY'..

Hmph! Just when I studied seriously for each and every test that I was suppose to take this week. Yan tuloy, I did nothing but lead a piggy-lifestyle these last few days. What else can I do anyway? Except to binge eating and sleep and of course a little 'socializing' (aka flirting) over the phone with some 'friend'. Can't help it, I'm a Nasty and technical flirt combined (see On Flirting and Flirting 101 )

Guys, I need advice. Should I cut my bangs or not? About a few weeks before I was so set on cutting my bangs again, but when it was announced that we will have a picture taking for our graduation portraits on the 17th of September, I started having second thoughts.

I want to look good in my graduation portrait, well it's not that I don't look good with bangs, HECK! I'm the definition of GORGEOUS-NESS.. <- self-proclaimed and this is my blog so no one can contradict me.... Anyway as I was saying I want to look good and different in our grad portrait, so I would like to curl my hair for that day so I'm wondering if curly hair will go well with bangs. What do you think?

Ooh it's raining again. Classes for tomorrow are suspended again. Arrgg.. Anyway, my only consolation is I love this kind of weather. The soothing coolness that brings a refreshing feeling, the dark sky that brings sleepiness, the sound of the drizzling rain that makes people gluttonous, everything.

But did you know that there is actually a scientific explanation for all the effects of a cold and rainy weather to people. Yes, there is a scientific explanation why every time it rains, we always feel like sleeping, we become lazier than usual, we have the tendency to be depressed and utterly lonely and we commit the sin of gluttony. Well, according to some source, when we are not exposed to sunlight our body produces some kind of chemical called 'melatonin' that triggers/stimulates senses in our body that makes us feel that way (aforementioned situations) every time it rains. *sorry for some inaccuracies and poor explanation, I just heard this from a radio news and medical terms are not my forte*

Oh so that's why no matter how I love rain, I still get kind of depressed every time. And did you also know that being depressed every cold season (extreme cases, maybe) is a symptom of some kind of Psychological Disorder. It has something to do with Mild Depression --- whatever. Something like that. Waa... Scary, luckily I'm not suffering from that very often.

Waa.. I just hope, we'll have a nicer weather next week. I may prefer this kind of weather we are having now, but I don't want classes getting suspended very often. well, because make-up classes are hassles. And every time classes get suspended, it's 101% sure that there would be make-up classes.

I'm sleepy again. Gotta go and sleep. Hehehe.. And gotta take this opportunity to sleep. It's not like we are always given opportunity to laze the day away.

Let's play tag!

It is my prelims week this err week. I just got back from Bulacan (mom's place). I happen to stay at my Lola's house every weekdays, because it is so much convenient for me to be staying here rather than going home to either my dad's or mom's house (which is far from school). I haven't been home (bulacan) for 2weeks due to loads of school stuffs so I went home for the weekend. And I'm missing my mom big time too.

Earlier today, at the bus going to Manila, I accidentally dropped my ID card on the floor and this guy-student who just sits beside me picked it up(nursing student I think, anyway nursing students aren't very hard to distinguish). But before he gave it back, I saw him peeped at my name (reason? I DON'T KNOW) then he asked if I am Chinese. Weird guy but of course I said no. Must be something with my surname. My surname's Indiongco and many people have been mistaking it for a Chinese surname. To clear things up guys, I ALREADY SELF-PROCLAIMED THAT IT IS NOT! I have nothing against Chinese people and I have lots of Chinese friends and I have cousins who are Chinese, its just that I don't want to be seen as one that's all.

Anyway back to this nursing guy, he kept on insisting that I must be Chinese because not only my name sounds Chinese I also happen to not have big round cute eyes. Okay, another clarification, my eyes are not round and big but that doesn't make me a Chinese.

Well, I don't normally talk to strangers, uhm, maybe back in high school I do. I can't help it. I am one of those "hi/hello-stranger!-let's-be-friends!" type of girl then. I am a firm believer that if everyone would just be friends with anyone then the world would be a better place to live in. But that was before, when I was a trusting naive girl, not anymore.

I got side-tracked again. Back to nursing-guy, maybe he sensed that I am already irritated with his prodding so he stopped. We then lapsed into a comfortable silence. I was looking at the passing scenery outside the window when nursing-guy tapped me. I looked at him inquiringly, while my string of thoughts flowed into the playful side of the situation "Is this guy trying to pick me up?", but before entertaining more thoughts on that subject he said...

Nursing Guy: Hinde mo na talaga ako matandaan no?(You really don't remember me don't you?)

I stared at him for a while, I must look like an idiot staring at him, then I shook my head. No matter how much I delve into my dusty memory, I can't seem to remember him then I thought, "Aha!Lame pick up line! This guy's definitely picking me up" then from the playful side my thoughts run on the dangerous side "maybe this guy is a robber and is one of those guys who hypnotize people before robbing them off!"

Nursing Guy: Maria Yvette D. Indiongco. Hinde mo na ba talaga ako matandaan? ("my full-name" don't you really remember me?)
me: hinde!

Then I looked away. I wont fall for that. Of course he knows my full name. He just saw my ID minutes ago, he even asked if I am Chinese.

He called my name again and I started getting scared. I was planning on calling for help from anyone who is willing enough to help. This nursing guy is really freaking me out. But before I even put my plan into action he called me again, but this time not with my name but with my nickname, which happens to be used by only the people who truly knew me.

Nursing Guy: Vetzky, ako ito, si [insert name here]. Remember? (Vetzky, it's me [insert name here] . Remember?) *I won't mention names!=p.. better be safe..

And that's when memories came rushing through.

He was a classmate back in Elementary years, if I am not mistaken we've been classmates for a short time only. He's a transferee at my school when I was in 5th grade. I bullied him. Yeah I was a bully, a worst one for that matter. (though he was the only person I bullied in my entire 19 years of existence, I just don't like him I guess) But I was very sorry for that. When I have matured a little and realized everything I've done, I felt guilty, so guilty I was so set on finding him and apologize to him. But it was too late, I'm not giving myself too much unnecessary credit but I think he transferred school in our 6th grade because of my bullying. But looking at him now, he had changed so much. He was not that idiot-looking kid I used to bully. But I still have to apologize, and apologize I did. And it goes like this.

me: [nursing guy's name] ? as in my classmate before?
Nursing Guy: Oo ako nga. Long time no see ah (Yes, its me. Long time no see)
me: Hinde kita nakilala. (I didn't recognize you)
Nursing Guy: weird pero ikaw nakilala kita pagkakita ko sayo (weird, I recognized you the moment I saw you)

I smiled, then I suddenly remembered that I have to apologize. I was fidgeting on my seat because I am not very good with apologies. I have this skyscraper high pride. But I still did it.

me: so, how's life?
Nursing Guy: Okay, so many has changed since we last saw each other.
me: I can see! I barely recognized you nga diba?
Nursing Guy: Pero alam mo sa lahat ng naging classmate naten, ikaw lang ung hinde nakakilala sa aken. (But you know, of all our classmates then, you were the only one who didn't recognized me)
me: mahina memory ko eh (Weak memory.)
Nursing Guy: oh baka naman kinalimutan mo na talaga ako (Maybe you intentionally erased me from your memory)
me: may sasabihin nga pala ako sayo (I have something to tell you)
me: natatandaan mo pa nung grade 5 tayo? bad girl ako nun. pero hinde ako nakapagsorry, too late na ba kung magsosorry pa ako (remember when we were in 5th grade? I was a bad girl but I wasn't able to say sorry. Is it too late if I say sorry now?)

I don't know what I was thinking, but I was expecting him to suddenly turn cold then start to list all the bad things I did to him then tell me what a despicable wretch I am. But he did none of those things. Instead he pat me on the head and said

"We were all children back then. We do things that we don't mean to do. I didn't held a grudge on you. Even before you apologized, even before I saw you today, I already forgave you. But that doesn't mean I did not hated you then. I just wish I knew why you are so intent on bullying me."

He was a nice guy and I was really a very bad girl for treating him that way before. I remember I even cam to the point of spreading nasty rumors about him so that no one would want to be friends with him. And how people believed me then. There was also a time when I dumped all the contents of my juice container on him. I dumped all that sticky orange juice all over him without any reason at all, except that I just want to dump it on him.

Being forgiven by someone is a very refreshing feeling. And since I was a kid, I always cry easily. I even cry for the shallowest things. So after he said that, I just can't stop myself from crying(but not out loud, I just can't stop the tears from falling). Nursing Guy looked like he didn't know what to do. So he just rubbed my back and kept on saying that I should stop crying because that was all in the past. I shouldn't waste tears anymore because it's already over.

What's done is done. He had forgiven me. And as for why I bullied him, I also don't know. It's just that the moment I set my eyes on him I already hated him. But as he have said, that was in the past. We talked about a lot of things like what happened after he transferred, the persons we met and the reason why our paths crossed again today. I told him, maybe God wanted me to apologize and let go of things that are pulling me down. Then he said that's good and offered his hand of friendship again. And this time, I took in without hesitation.

I may not admit it, but that thing about bullying him in the past kept on pulling me down (maybe because I was so guilty and I cannot believe that I can be that bad to someone who did nothing wrong to me) and I wont be able to let go unless I apologize, and maybe God really planned this encounter so I may apologize for the bad things I've done in the past.

When I look back in the past I see how I lived my life, I was always the childish immature brat. I always have to get what I want and I throw tantrums every time I don't. I always alter my voice so that it would sound nauseatingly child-like (well, at that time I thought is was cute). I do things rashly, without even thinking of its outcome. I keep on hurting other people's feelings. I was a f*cking bastard and I didn't care!

Maybe I am still like that sometimes, even though I'm already 19 and turning 20 before this year ends. I can't seem to help but be a brat at times. I may be a bad girl in the past and I may have done so many mistakes and some are beyond repair, but I can say that I have learned from each and every mistake and bad thing I did. And for that, I grew up a strong girl. I fall a lot of times but every time I fall, I am still able to stand up and be a better person.

Not everyone whom I've wronged in the past are capable of forgiving me and giving me another chance to friendship. But all those person made me up to what I am now. Not the immature vetzky anymore but definitely not the very mature vetzky yet. I am still somewhere in between, a place where God is giving me opportunities to fix what can still be fixed and make my future a better place to live in.

I may be a despicable wretch before but that cannot keep me away from having the chance to be a better person.

I have played tag with the past for so long now and it may already have caught me red-handed and off-balance, but I still have enough strength to stand up again. The past catches up with my present for sure this time, but I wont ran away from it again. From now on, I will run with it side by side until it gets tired and I can outran it again and then I will continue running until I can catch up to my elusive but definitely bright future.

Rain is many complicated things..

Raining is many complicated things.

It brings a refreshing feeling.
A cold environment.
A warm chocolate.
A lingering memory.
A wild excitement.
A calm demeanor.

It's raining all-day and it's raining HARD and I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

For all those who doesn't know, I consider RAIN as my muse, my inspiration, my sedative..(=p)..

The rain calms my soul. And whenever it rains, it really pours. Ideas, inspiration, they kept on pouring and magically transforms themselves into words.

Right now, I'm on the process of writing a long 'pending' ending for a story I wrote 2 years ago. Could you believe that? I am on a 2 yr hiatus. Huhuhu..

But at least, I'm back to writing now. Thanks to the rain.

Anyway, even though the rain is good for me. I also can't help but feel a little sad. Because with the pouring of ideas and inspiration is the pouring of memories, unfortunately sad memories.

I guess, it's just human nature that whenever the weather is like this. Cold, slightly dark coz of rainclouds and soothing because of the melody brought by the raindrops upon the rooftop, one just wants someone to cuddle up with. ehehehe..

And I am just like any human. I want to cuddle up with somebody just to keep away the feeling of loneliness. But that's kinda impossible. Since my highschool years, I've been living in the house of my Lola, away from my dad, away from my mom.

My Lola's house is like a dormitory for us cousins. Currently, there are 4 of us living here. All are students. well, I just can't go to them and ask them if we could cuddle up together now can I?

So it's lonely being like this. I can't even 'lambing' my dad or my mom because they are so far away. I don't even have a special someone (or do I?) to hug me and whisper sweet words on my ears. There would also be no hot porridge for snacks. No hot-chocolate to warm my grumbling stomach. No wonderful aroma of cooking coffee beans for the adults. No nothing. Just me and my dear ol' PC.

But, I'm used to this arrangement by now. Dozens of weather like this have passed and I was able to get through them all, happy and contented. I just can't help but wish, that sometimes old times could be brought back.

But that's wishful thinking. The past is part of the past and can never be a part of the present nor the future. All we have are just memories too look back to. And looking back at them brings back so many things, good and bad.

I wish the rain won't stop yet I somehow wish for it to stop too. A contradiction, but I can't help it. I wanted something to refresh and to calm my soul but I don't want memories that makes me sad rush too. I can't seem to know what I want.

BUT RAIN IS LIKE THAT. A contradiction of so many complicated things.

Eh sira pala ulo mo eh!!!

From bad to worse to worst. What's next huh?

God, are you really trying to break me apart?
___________________________________
Isa nanamang sulat na gawa sa tagalog.(naiinis kase ako..hmp!) Pero hinde na malalim na tagalog ah. 3am na kase, hinde na magfunction ng matino utak ko.

Aion..

Hoy ikaw!

Oo, ikaw. Anu bang kinakagalit mo? Bakit ka ba nagkakaganyan? Masisiraan ako ng baet sayo eh. Hinde kita maintindihan.

Hinde ba ikaw na rin ang nagsabe na i-lihim muna naten lahat? Tapos kahit hinde ako okay sa ganun, pumayag ako. Bakit? Kase mukha namang valid ang reason mo. At saka may tiwala ako sayo. Sa tingin mo, sinong babae ang nasa matinong pag-iisip ang papayag sa proposition mo? AKO LANG! Kase wala ako sa matinong pag-iisip.

Epal ka! Naiinis ako sayo. Ikaw ang may gusto ng ganito tapos bigla kang magagalit! Eh sira ka pala eh. Tignan mo ngang mabuti ang nakalagay sa profile ko, "I'ts complicated", paki-compare nga sa nakalagay sa profile mo! Diba ung nakalagay sayo, "Single".. Sa tingin mo sino ung may mas karapatan na magalit at mainis.

Nagpakatanga na ako. Marameng beses na. Sabi mo pa nga nun sa akin, tama na eh. Eh bakit pinagmumukha mo ako tanga ulit ngaun. Sinong matinong babae kaya yung papayag na maging girlfriend ng taong gusto niya tapos mag-secret-secretan sila. Sa anong dahilan? Kase hinde pa ready ung sira ulong lalake na sabihin na may girlfriend na siya. Ang tanga ko talaga at pumayag ako sa ganong set-up. Nagtanga-tangahan nanaman ako.

Akala ko pa naman iba ka sa kanya, akala ko hinde mo sasaktan at pagmumukhaing tanga. Eh you're worse eh. Tangna! at tanga ko naman at pumayag ako. Hinde ko talaga maisip kung bakit. Prang nung magsabog ng katangahan at Diyos sa mundo naisipan ko ata maglakad ng walang dalang payong at nakahubad.

Leche ka! wala kang karapatan magalit sa akin at sumbatan ako! Hiningi ko ba lahat ng tulong at oras na binigay mo! Ikaw ang nag-offer. Ikaw yung hinde pumapasok. Kahit kailan hinde kita pinilit samahan ako. Kung alam ko lang na isusumbat mo sa akin lahat ng ito. Hay naku! Nagpakamatay na lang sana ako bago ako nagpa-comfort sayo.

Sorry ah! Hinde ko maibigay yung gusto mo! Magsama kayo ng babaeng papansin na yan. Tutal naaaliw ka naman sa company niya. At tutal siya naibibigay niya yung gusto mo. Hay naku! Buti na lang talaga, ginagamet ko kahita papano ung utak ko kahit tanga ako. At naisipan ko na hinde ibigay lahat sayo. Wag mo ko bigyan ng excuse na lalake ka lang, tao nagkakasala. Leche, gamit na gamit na yun. Eh kung hinde ka pala makapag-hintay, eh mas bagay nga kau ni Ms. Papansin.

Sinungaling ka! Akala ko aalagaan mo na ako ng totoo! Kase nag-promise ka! Ako naman hinde na natuto, naniwala ako sa empty promise mo. Pare-parehas lang pala kayo. Nag-eenjoy kapag nakakapanakit ng ibang tao. Puro kasinungalingan lang ang alam sabihin.

Kung hinde mo pala ako kayang alagaan, sana nun una pa lang sinabe mo na at sana hinde na ako umasa. Kaya ko naman alagaan ung sarili ko eh. Kaya lang naniwala ako na aalagan mo ako. Ang gusto ko lang naman, ung mafeel na may nag-aalaga saken. Kase from the start ako lang nag-aalaga sa sarili ko. Hay nakakainis talaga!

Kung gusto mo ako kausapin, siguraduhin mo lang na may bit-bit kang original at katanggap-tanggap na dahilan. Kase kung wala, naku. Kakalbuhin kita. Kaya kung wala ka masabeng iba pang dahilan at kagaya lang ng mga sinabe mo kanina ang mga sasabihin mo. Sorry-sorry na lang. Rejected! Denied! ang mga ganung reasons.

No more lies, please! Nagsasawa na akong pinagsisinungalingan.

________________________________________

Done! I hope nobody would misinterpret this now and think that this is for them even though it's not. I think the message is clear enoguh for the person to know that this is for him and for the others to know that this is not for them.

Sorry guys, angsty post, yeah. But I can't help myself. I would explode if I don't do this. Well, because I cannot very well tell him this face to face. But since he reads my blog, I just hope he'll be able to read this post too.

Anyway, that letter robbed me of my energy. I think I should get some sleep now. I'm still feeling sh*tty, I just hope when I wake up, I'll feel a lot better.

I really hate guys whe tell lies!!

I am still LOVED

I'm SO HAPPY!! Hahaha.. Sir Mark commented on my friendster account..

Yeah I know, it's so shallow. But hey, can you blame me? I've been ogling after Sir Mark too, all summer. Well, next to Sir Chiechan that is.. For some idiotic reason, I still like Sir Chiechan more. Hmm. When will he knock his head off on a wall and realize that I'm the one for him? JUST KIDDING.=p

I'm so glad that something this shallow could still make me happy. At least Sir Mark made an effort to drop a few lines.. hahaha.. These past few days, I've been brooding over many things.. Like, why don't I ever get contented and how my life sucks. So, me being happy over something like this, it's refreshing to know that I am not yet that cynic in life..

That's all. Just want to preserve this memory. I happen to suffer from a short-term memory syndrome and because I don't check y friendster account very often, I would like to write something about this happy event. Anyway I check my blog more often that I check my friendster account.

And uhm, guys, I think I'll be in hiatus again. Being a graduating student is SO exhausting. Projects here and there , and the thesis,, it's sucking the life out of the students.

Well, again, before I forget, I happen to write something simple for all my batch-mates in USTHS.. This is a 2am composition/drabble.. so no flaming please..=D.. no title yet by the way..

Tears, jeers, laughters and sighs
Hellos, gossips and sad goodbyes
Mixed emotion of sorrows and joys
Uttered words with trembling voice.

Throats are blocked, silence prevailed
Fighting the tears but sadly failed
Traitorous feelings, cannot be contained
No matter how hard all restrained.

Dressed in whites and yellows and blacks
All stood up and turned their backs
Minds are set, all walked away
Regrets in their hearts because no one can stay

The music begun, all stood in line
Turning their heads, checking if everything is fine
The first one moved and started to march
Followed by one then another while others watch

Everyone is settled that singing begun
Different emotions, combined by the melody as one
And now that the music is about to end
All are with tears and laughters, a curious blend

Everything stopped and about to change
And it took nothing but...
..a couple of hours
..a big step forward
..and one brave heart
Then all once cherished are now just
Memories of the past.


YEY!! It was supposed to be a graduation gift to all my friends back in highschool. But I wasn't able to write it then.. Hahaha.. Maybe this will serve a double purpose maybe it can also be a graduation gift to my friends now in college.. Writing this poem, it makes me sentimental. Hahaha..

I remember our last day as high school students (aka GRADUATION DAY), it was so early I wasn't able to eat a single bite for breakfast. Not that I was so hungry, in fact my stomach is churning so much (maybe due to too much excitement) I can't get anything past it. We had our graduation ceremony at PICC, but the assembly was at school. I remember everyone was so excited, I saw Kulto and we are all chatting about how excited we are. What a complete contradiction the environment is before and after graduation. Before, we're all giddy with excitement but after the ceremony almost every one is in tears and scared. Scared of what may happen to us in the future now that we are out of the safe bounds of high school.

Well, that was in the past. The what if's then have answers now, but it's a cycle. After finding an answer another set of questions will come thru. Now, we have new what if's. Hmm, what will happen to me once I'm outside the real world. You know the cruel world where only those with determination make it to the end succesful. I want to have that kind of determination. The kind that will take me to end with flying colors.

Wish me luck guys! I wish you luck too!=)