I'll try to explain, but will you try to understand?

I can explain.
I have my explanation.
It's valid.
It has supporting arguments.
It's acceptable.

--The only problem is, you still wont understand or you'll refuse to understand. There's a lot of things going on my mind lately. And most of them doesn't make any sense.

I AM NOT OKAY! And no matter how hard I pretend that I am OKAY, I know I AM NOT. Yes, I pretend. That is one thing I'm pretty good at. But my mask is starting to fall off, and my feelings are shouting to the whole world that I AM NOT OKAY.

People are starting to notice, people are starting to wonder, people are starting to ask questions. Questions, which I still have no answers.

I can explain, I know I can. It's just that even though I can explain to you everything, with a little extra bonus, you still won't understand. I know, I am very difficult to understand. Even I don't understand myself. But at least try. Make an effort to understand. And do not give up when everything is just starting and nothing has begun yet.(<-what?)

I know, for a very long time now that I can never please everybody. And with my personality, NOT pleasing everybody is something VERY EASY. But though, I realize and acknowledge that. It still doesn't change the fact that I try my hardest to please everyone whom I think are worth pleasing. So please, don't ask too much. This is my best and this is all I can give. I can give no more than this.

Know what? I did not stopped believing. I still believe that one day, we will both wake up and realize that this whatever thing we have does not matter anymore and we can go back to being friends. I still believe. I did not stop. So please don't start, start believing that there is no hope in me and I'll stay this way forever. I can change. I am trying. VERY HARD.

I'll only stop believing when you start believing.