UNDER CONSTRUCTION

This blog is under HEAVY CONSTRUCTION.. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE..

FAKE friends do not DESERVE even a drop of tear from ME.

OH THOSE IDIOTS! How dare you hurt me?!

Just DON'T READ

I always wonder...

"Why do I never get contented with my life?"

I have twice the number of parents a normal kid has.
I have great friends.
I do well in school.
I eat three times a day, (sometimes more than three times)
I have nice clothes to warm me.
I have at least 4 houses to go home at.
I study in a prestigious school.

...What more could I ask for?

But why do I still whine? And keep on asking for more when I already have more than what the others have? And sometimes, I am not even thankful for all the things I have.

I was/am still a brat. I always have to get everything I want. I throw tantrums if I don't. I get angry with my mom, with my dad, with whoever person who wont give me what I want.


I realize/know/ am aware that what I am doing is wrong and annoying. But I am not doing something/anything to remedy that.

I just love the feeling of being a brat. Someone who is always annoying, a nuisance, someone who is always hated.

I love being the Devil's Advocate. The one who always find flaws from everything. During a perfectly sunny day, I always manage to find a thundercloud. On a well-written story/poem, I always see plot holes.

I don't see any good on people, especially on myself. I am not good enough, never good enough. I am worth nothing. I am not even special.

I am the ugly-duckling born amongst the flock of pretty swans. I am the mute idiot in the middle of people born with the gift of gab. I am the weakling soldier who cannot even carry her own dagger to battle.

I am nothing but ME. I am nothing.

Maybe that is the main reason why people just love to hurt me. Maybe they think that I don't even deserve the respect that 'normal' people is born with. I deserve nothing, not even an insult because I am not important enough. I don't matter to people. And if I die, at this day in this moment, no one would notice. no body would care.

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another angst post. I just hope that this would be the last. I hope after this, I'll be able to find my self-worth. I really hope so.

The damage done is so great. Greater than the damage left by Ryoi-chan. I'm having a hard time moving on. Oh those IDIOTS!

I must be SPECIAL

I must be VERY SPECIAL!!! Want to know why? Because SOME people just keeps on HURTING ME. Well, at least that's what they think.

Sorry guys! But I'm not in the least affected by your idiocies. I mean, HELLO!! what you are doing is so high school! GROW UP! Do the whole world a BIG favor, stop your useless TANTRUMS.

Okay, I was not completely honest with that when I said I wasn't affected. Well, of course I was, BUT NOT ANYMORE. I realized, why would I let myself get hurt and feel bad because I was betrayed by a 'friend' when all along that friend is not a true friend. And I shouldn't get affected because I am not the one who LOST something here. And also I have no time being the weepy PROTAGONIST who always feel miserable until the end of the story. I'd rather be the ANTAGONIST and the BAD GUY, at least that way people will know that I AM STRONG although I would be the bad guy of the story.

I'm starting to type nonsense here and I guess you are not even interested to read this nonsense in which you cannot even relate.

My heart and mind is just do full or negative energies right now and I need an outlet to let it all out. Next post would be a cheerier one I promise. =)

*note: WAA! Tigers are wounded by the HORNS of the Tamaraws. Stand up TIGERS and pick up your THOMASIAN PRIDE. Devour those Tamaraws the next time you meet them. Maybe not this season but on the next and the others to come.

my last..

"if you don't trust people you are cheating yourself. you deprive yourself of being completely happy" - Alexandra Lawrence

But do you know what is the downside of trusting too much? It is trusting the persons who are not worthy of being trusted. Everyone is given the privilege to give their trust to anyone they deem worthy of trusting, some just abuse that privilege. They go all along giving away their trusts as if giving candies to street-children. And I, my dear readers is as guilty as charged. How in the seven hells would you know anyway that they not worthy to be trusted in the first place? You'll just know it when they start betraying, and the bad thing is you've already trusted them too much. You idiots! I'm made of a much sterner stuff than you thought I am. I am stronger than you, YOU LEECHES!!! Not my loss! I just regret the time I wasted trusting you.

Anyway, I was just frustrated. Now onto happier thoughts. Already got our final draft for our thesis paper. Thank God we didn't need to do major revisions. Our work is not flawless but revisions are just minor ones, like few typographical and grammatical errors. Aside from that, our thesis paper is ready. Yokatta!

I just talked with Pakner. It seems that my plan for October is near POSSIBILITY already. Just have to pull some strings here and there and voila! everything would be in action. It is nice spending your special day with your true and real friends rather than spending it alone coz you have none.

Okay, that's all for now. I'm on a 'no-social-life-frustrated-programmer' mode now. So I have no time getting affected by people who do not matter. Who needs them anyway? I know I don't!

Sad Letter

A very,very sad letter. Well, at least it is a very,very sad letter for me. It is written in Tagalog (my native language) because the receipient of this letter is not that well-versed with english.


Isang liham para sa isa sa mga pinaka-importanteng tao sa aking buhay:

Tatang, kamusta ka naman ba dyan? Ang tagal na nating hinde nagkikita, miss na miss na kita. SOBRA. Ako ba namimiss mo na? Aba dapat lang, ako yata yung pinaka-maganda mong apo. Anu na ba ginagawa mo ngayon? Kumain ka na ba? Hulaan ko ulam mo, ulo ng tilapia noh? favorite mo yun diba? Tapos may dessert ka na asukal. Pakabusog ka dyan. Sigurado naman ako okay ka lang dyan eh. Siyempre kasama mo si Ima diyan, at saka alam ko hinde ka papabayaan ng mga kaibigan natin diyan. Kalbuhin ku sila pag pinabayaan ka nila. hehehe. Pakasaya ka dyan 'Tang, wag mo na kame masyado alalahanin dito. Okay naman kame dito. MEdyo nahihirapan ng konti kase namimiss ka namen pero carry pa naman. Kame pa!

Si mommy naiiyak pa din every now and then, pero okay naman siya. Pinapagalitan ko kase siya pag nasosobrahan, lam niyo na, baka tumaas nanaman ang bp. Pasaway kase yung nanay ku na yun eh. Peo naiintindihan ku naman ung nararamdaman niya. Namimiss ka lang niya ng sobra. Namimiss ka lang namen ng sobra. Ikaw kase eh, umalis daw ba ng walang paalam. Pasaway. Babalik pa kame, hinde mo man lang kame nahintay bumalik. Hmph! Nagtatampo ako sayo. Joke. hihihi.. Naiintindihan din naman kita eh. Alam ko ayaw mo din kame iwan pero mas okay na na andyan ka, masaya at hinde nahihirapan kaysa andito kasam namin pero nahihirapan ng sobra.

Onga pala 'Tang, binigyan ka ba ng mga kaibigan natin diyan ng powder, shades at maong jacket? Hinde ka na kase namen napabaunan eh. Ambilis mo kase umalis. Pero mas maganda naman mga gamit nila dyan, branded pa. At saka, nagpa-dye ka na din ba ng buhok? Nung huli kase kita nakita puti na lahat ng buhok mo. Waa hinde ka na mukhang cool nun. Kaya dapat nagkulay ka na ng buhok. Para jeproks ka ulit. Tapos ang powder at cologne, wag kakalimutan ha.

Ggraduate na nga din pala ako. Next year, ggraduate na yung pinaka-maganda niyong apo. Dadame na pera ko. Matutupad na yung pangarap naten na yumaman ako tapos makapag-asawa ng mayaman. Hehehe. Tapos na ko sa pagaaral ko. Kaya lang, nakakainis naman toh, sabe mo kase saken gusto mo pag-graduate ko andun ka, panu na kaya yun? eh umales ka, ang layo-layo pa ng pinuntahan mo. Tsaka paano ko tutuparin yung promise ko sayo, yung ililibre kita sa una kong suweldo. Eh iniwan mo na ako.. Hay naku talaga. Panu yan? Eh di wala ka ng jollibee.

Tatang, magpapasko na ulit. Nakakalungkot naman, hinde ka na namen makakasama magpasko. Pero okay lang, kasama mo naman si Ima. ahehehe. Pero mamimiss ko talaga yung mga paskong kasama kita, kasama ka namen. Sobrang kulang ng pasko ngayon, wala ka kase. Wala ng magpapagalet saken kase maingay ako sa dining table. Wala na din ipagluluto si mommy ng chicken feet. Tapos wala na ako reregaluhan. Hinde kita naregaluhan last year kase medyo wala akong budget eh. Sayang, rich-kid pa naman ako this year, kaya lang panu ku pa maibibigay yun gift ko sayo eh ang layo-layo mo na. Hay naku naman kase.Anu ba yan? Paano ko magpapasko ng wala ka? Paano kame magpapasko? Hinde kumpleto yung pasko pag wala ka tang.Bakit naman kase mamasyal ka lang sa malayo pa tapos sa lugar pa na hinde ka na puede bumalik samen.

Anyway, since nandyan ka na din naman, pede mo ba ako ilakad kay Papa Jesus? Ihinge mo naman po ako ng lakas. Alam ko binabantayan mo ako at nakikita mo ako ngayon, kaya sigurado alam mo kung ano pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Ah-eh, medyo kelangan ku kase po ng tulong. Alam niyo na, konti lakas lang ng loob.

Sige po, 3:30 na ng umaga at may klase pa ako mamaya. Tatang, miss na miss ko na po kayo. At lage niyo po tatandaan na kahit nasa malayo na kayo, hindeng-hinde magbabago ang pagmamahal ko para sa inyo. Kaw ata ang the best lolo ko.

Ang inyong pinakamagandang apo,
Yvette


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I SO MISS MY "LOLO". Oh Christmas! How will I spend you this year? Christmas wont be complete without my grandfather. Nothing is complete without him

To Mr. September

A letter to dear ol' September:

Hey Mr. September, we meet again. And as usual, I applaud you for your unwaivering punctuality. Always in time, not a minute even a millisecond late. I bet your colleagues Ms. October, Ms. November and Mr. December would be as punctual as you. It's your trademark anyway.

Your coming signaled that another year has passed again. So how was your 11 months leave? I hope you had a good time.

Well, Mr. September I have a confession to make. Do you remember your last visits? For example, last year and all the years preceding that. I always welcome you with arms wide open and a mixed feeling of excitement, joy and a lot more. When you come, you always bring with you the scent of the inevitable long-awaited Christmas. You may not carry Christmas itself with you but you have with you the idea that Christmas is near and approaching. And that idea brings so many fond things. Like the sense of giddiness the scent of the BER-months most often bring to most people. The excitement one feels when they hear Christmas carols being sung. If not all, at least more than half the world's population feels utter happiness every time you arrive Mr. September.

And I was one of those many people too. BUT NOT ANYMORE. For some reasons, the moment I realized that you've already arrived and Christmas is approaching, I can't help but feel a nostalgic longing. A longing for someone who will not be spending this Christmas with us. Wont be spending the Christmas with us ever again.

Before, whenever you and you're colleagues visit us, I wanted to speed up the time of your stay so that Mr. December could come and bring us Christmas, but now, I wanted to delay Uncle August's departure. I mean no offense Mr. September but with you, so many memories are coming back. They're not unwanted memories. They are good happy memories, but what makes me sad is, all of those will just be memories. I can't make more of them because the person whom I want to make those memories with, is gone. He is already in a faraway land.

Mr. September, I know that you always watch over all of us that is why I know that you know that I always spend my Christmas with my grandfather and i know that you know, I cannot spend it with him again this year. And because of that, I don't know how I will be spending this Christmas without him. Christmas without 'tatang' (my gradnfather) would not be Christmas at all. NOT AT ALL.

I know that it is Papa Jesus' birthday on Christmas, but being Papa Jesus I think he'll understand my feelings. The reason why I dread the coming of Christmas so much.

I have a favor to ask of you Mr. September, could you please make your days longer. Ms. October and Ms. November's too. I have nothing against Mr. December, I just want to forestall his arrival as much as I can. I know it is very selfish of me to request for something impossible. It's just that, 'Christmas' which used to bring me so many happy memories brings me nothing now but a painful one.

Please Mr. September and Papa Jesus. If you cannot grant my favor at least give me strength. The strength to be able to get through Christmas. And please, please give my 'lolo' the most wonderful Christmas, more wonderful than the one he had with us. Because I know that he'll miss us as much as we'll miss him. And we don't want him to be lonely.


Sincerely,
Vetzky