Wasted nothingness

*here's what I came up, after one year of hiatus.. not good, but hey, at least I can write again!!!*

Wasted nothingness

Who said that only the weak cry?
Only the lonely and the soon to die,
Only the girls who are scared to try,
Only the people with great sorrow, only I.

Who said that tears don't fall?
From those who have it all,
From soldiers who stand tall,
From painted happy faces, of clowns we call.

Who said that only the strong stand fast?
Only the wise-man and smart-ass,
Only the jovial and the carefree lass,
Only the person that I once was.

Who said that fears don't feed?
From busy minds who are great indeed,
From a boy who just smoked the weed,
From wicked hearts, filled with greed.

And who ever said that I always cry?
Who ever said that I'm scared to try?
And whoever said that I am not strong?
Whoever said that I won't last long?

Even soldiers fall sometimes,
Even clowns ran out of rhymes.
Greater minds have greater fears,
Wicked hearts falter too, you hear.

I wiped my tears, I stood up.
I took the risk, I filled my cup.
And then that's the moment I realized,
I have nothing, but wasted nothingness before my eyes.

Free from hiatus!!

I am so f*cking great!! I have finally broken free of hiatus.. That barren cold state where I can write nothing but senseless blabbers!! Finally Im free!!!

I dont know what inspired me to write again. Something just clicked. And a minute after, I am already wrting down my rampaging thoughts, and then I did a little sorting out, organizing and VOILA! I've written my very first poem in one year hiatus!! YEY!!

hmm.. Looking back.. this is a very, very, very disappointing week. Damn OS.. I think its not the professor, after all that have been said and done, I realized, it was me. I am not doing my damn best to fish myself out from the quick sand of disappointment. And it's frustrating me. I want to do my best, and I don't know what's keeping me from accomplishing that. Sometimes, I wonder if I really chose the right path to take, am I really for I.T.? Can I finish these course? What if instead of I.T. I chose nursing? Is is too late to shift? So many questions, none answered. But then again, I said to myself, it was I who chose this, and it is up to me to make the most out of it. And instead of fretting over and over again, why don't I just set my priorities and goals and do my damn best to keep them, achieve them.

i'm not getting any younger, and I have to face that fact. I can't always depend on others to do things for me, I have to do them on my own. And I think I should start now. I can do this, I know I can!!

Enough of that! At least for now, I am happy. The old me has come back and I can wirte again!! Yey!!

A very frustrating posT!!

Okay, so what if I am childish at times? I can't help it, I am child. This whole set up is getting into my nerves and I'm getting frustrated!!!

Why is it so f*cking frustrating when that thing you wanted all your life is the one thing you can never have? And to make things worse, even though you know that no matter what you do, you cannot have it, you still sacrifice everything for the sake of trying to acquire that one thing. IT'S SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!

Shin is right, my life is a mess and I have no idea what I'm gonna do about it. Hay.. Why do I have to be so stupid as to reject his offer of help, when I know that i badly needed that. I can be so friggin' stupid and I chose this time, of all times, to develop my stupidity. I remember our conversation just an hour ago, and it goes like this

Shin: bakit mo sinasarili lahat?
me: hinde naman po ah, kung sinasarili ko ikkwento ko ba sa iyo?
shin: then why did you have to wait this long to tell me that?
me: kase po, I don't know how to say it. At saka sabe ko po sayo diba meron akong new semester res0lution(previous post) at saka po graduating ka na, super busy ka na po, ayaw na kita istorbohin.
Shin: Alam ko, you dont have to rub it in. Ako nga yung nagooffer ng help diba.

It doesn't make any sense right? We were talking about my dilemma. Haay..='(

I feel so terrible, I feel as if I'm not treating Shin the proper way he should be treated. I mean, he's always there when I need him, he never leaves me, but then I don't , can't, give him what he truly needs and deserves. Waah.. another frustration!! I want to make him happy, and I know how to, but I cannot do it, I cannot make him happy. It shouldn't be me.='( Shin I am very sorry.. I know you understand me and I know you are willing to wait.. But how long? how long will I make you wait?

This so frustrating! My life is a joke! It is falling into pieces, right in front of my very eyes, and I do nothing. And it is so F*CKING FRUSTRATING!!

i feel hot..

I feel hot, as in literally hot!!

The semester have just started, and I have already incurred my first absent..=(.. I didn't go to school today because of fever.. My body temparature shoot up to 40degrees.. Not good, not good..

Waa,, I've missed lots of things.. But I have no choice, I can't go to school.. I don't even have enough strength to get out of bed..='(

Well that's all, I'm still not feeling well.. I just want to post something as to keep my blog from hiatus..=)

So it begins...

Sembreak's finally over! yey!!.. I didn't thnik that I would miss going to school..=)

All I did this vacation was eat and sleep and eat again!!=).. Kinda boring, but I actually enjoyed.. Yup!yup!yup! I enjoyed the sembreak soooo much..=D.. I am so lucky to have Shin,, Hahaha... He made my vacation soo exciting and happy and worth remebering.. I just wish I wasn't too harsh on him..=(.. But I really think I am not yet ready to accept whatever he is offering me.. But I would definitely miss him this sem because i know that we wouldn't be able to talk as often as we used to.. Both of us would be super busy with our academics.. Sabe nga niya.. I should learn to set my priorities..=p.. Hahaha,, para xang c daddy.. hay..=D.. Shin made me realize two important things.. First is, I am special, if not for 'that' person, atleast for Shin.. And he never failed to make me feel special.. hay.. nakakaaliw..=D.. Second is, I realized that Shin is not the same Shin I know when I see him in school..=D.. Ewan ko ba.. basta he's different, in one way or another..=D

Enough of Shin.. Did you know that my vacation is somewhat productive..+dBecause of extreme boredom, I've actually formulated a new semester resolution..=p.. NO MORE BOYS!!=p. nabaliw ata ako sa lalake last sem and I think that was the main reason why I wasn't able to concentrate on my academics.. hahaha..=D.. GO YVETTE!! kaya ko toh.. I'll try to avoid grades like 2.5 and 2.75.. I'll try to aim for a 2.25 as my lowest grade.. GO YVETTE!!!=D

Im super tired!!! Today is the first day of class.. Waah.. wala naman pumasok n prof..=( nde ko pa nakita c shin..=(.. Alu, JR, Tom and I went to Robinsons Manila.. I bought office materials for te.. Then we did some bonding moments..=D.. Exhausted but happy.. I really missed going out with them.. dapat mag-glorietta kame.. pero ayaw ni JR, so we settled for Robinsons.. Naghanap na din kame ng gift for Joseph.. It would be his bday this coming Saturday..=D.. And as usual I got home late.. My coming home late is becoming habitual..=(.. I need to do something about that too if I want to improve on my academics..

Need to study na.. This time for real.. I dont want to disappoint my parents again..=(

GO YVETTE!!!