losing everything...

including my sanity is a very bad thing.. i wanted everything to just slip out of my grasp, but i cannot let that happen.. i have to stay strong because i still have something to prove.. to myself and to others.. so it is true.. that you realize the true worth of someone or something when it is slowly slipping out of your grasp.. and then you'll find out later that no matter how you held on to it tightly.. it would still find a way to go.. persons come and go.. some are meant to stay and some are just meant to walk your way.. no matter how much you want to keep them.. if they are not meant to stay.. they are not meant to stay.. yes.. you could cry if they go.. you could call their name.. and chances are.. they might turn back.. but because they are not meant to stay.. eventually.. they'll have to go.. i just wanted to be strong.. i want to break the traditional thinking of men that women are of weaker sex.. that they cannot look after themselves.. i dont want to be referred as a weak female who cannot even take care of her ownself.. but.. why is that everytime i am trying to prove something.. they wont let me.. thousands of reasons would emerge and then they would prevent me from proving myself.. what is wrong in being a strong woman?.. what is wrong in breaking old good for nothing traditions and beliefs?.. why cant people just let me show them that i can do it on my own?.. i've always hated being weak.. i hate it when people pity me.. "hinde ko kelangan ng awa, kelangan ko pang-unawa.." and why cant they understand that?.. all i need is for them to understand.. how do i make them understand?.. i am tired of always pretending.. i want to be me.. but if i do that.. would they finally understand me?..