addicted..

yeah.. im already addicted to coffee.. im already hopeless.. and im one hell of an insomniac.. im really tired.. woke up today at around 8:30 am just to catch 'Marmalade Boy'.. yeap.. another anime flick.. im really hopeless.. im a caffeine dependent and an immature girl at the same time.. then i went to school to meet my bestfriend in the whole wide world.. diane.. but i guess.. we're just not meant to meet today.. so i didn't see her.. anyway.. i meet up with my classmates.. we ate lunch together and then i waited for them until 3pm.. so.. from 1-3 i was with jhapi and ryan.. woohoo!! bonding with boys.. im really one of the boys now.. =p.. anyway.. i was really tired.. but hell!! i can't sleep.. joseph called again.. he's getting freakier by the moment.. believe me.. he must've lost his mind when he lost his memories.. honestly.. he's starting to scare me.. i'm not used to having my bestfriend speaking his mind so openly.. he's giving me the creeps.. waah.. aya must be angry with me.. i made joseph promise only bcoz i wanted him to be there for me.. if he can.. not the one he is offering now.. ohmigod.. help me lord.. i need all the help i can get.. now.. i'm also confused.. i really.. no.. we really hae to sort out our feelings.. but i am 100% sure.. what i feel for him exceeds normal friendship but still purely friendship.. gets?? anyway.. how can i face him tomorrow?? might as well go home early and lock up in my room.. yay!! i'm such a coward..

life is beautiful...

know that moviE?? it is an italian(think so..) movie.. the star in the movie is the same as the actor in pinnochio.. and asterix and obelix.. he's none other than roberto benigni.. he's a really good actor.. anyway.. back to the movie.. life is beautiful's setting is around the time of hitler.. where the jews are murdered.. the movie is really awesome.. it is about living life to the fullest.. when i saw the movie back in my hs days.. it brought me to tears.. at first.. i was laughing really hard.. because the first parts were really funny.. but the ending was really heart wrenching.. (in the end c lorainne pa rin talga ang pinipili ni justine.. la lang.. nasingit ko lan..) anyway.. i just mentioned the movie because i saw it again today.. and it made me think.. how come Guido(Benigni) was able to live his life to the fullest.. though he is being discriminated by others bcoz he is a jew.. and his and his family's life are threatened too.. then why I, a normal and average person can't do the same.. there are so many surprises in life.. these surprises can either be good or bad.. and i cant help but wonder.. how come other people can still smile though the surprise that crossed their path was a bad one.. i hope i could learn that trick.. to just smile eventhough your heart tells you the opposite.. my bestfriend always tell me that im always a give away.. i dont know how to lie and hide what i feel.. my feelings are always written all over my face.. waah.. scary.. anyway.. i just hope.. i could be more like Guido in the movie life is beautiful.. always smiling and as if worries, pain and fear never cross his path.. :p

Outside the Window..

Outside the window, I look.
But I did not see the beauty it offers.
All I can see is his smile,
And the way his eyes look at me.

But no, certainly not me,
For he never even spared a glance.
He would look my way but wouldn’t see,
For there was nothing in me.

Only one beauty exists for him,
The beauty of his girl, which is not me.
For him, I am just a phantasm,
Ethereal, impalpable, imaginary and unreal.

And his smile, it was never meant for me.
It was for her, his girl.
A smile so sweet and loving,
A smile that I can have only in my dreams.

I’m tired of this waiting,
I’m tired of just pretending.
So now, I decided to stop this insanity,
And start a new life, so,

Outside the window, I look,
But I did not see the beauty it offers.
For all I can see is his smile,
And the way his eyes look and pass through me.

summer heat!!!

damn!! this eefing heat is melting what is left of my brain!! why did summer have to be this hot?? i want to go swimming!!! hoy!! jamie!!! ipapapatay kita pag inde natuloy!!! eniwey!! waah.. my last post was since i cant remember.. and so many has happend.. first.. i had a haircut.. waah.. i miss my hair.. before.. it was very long. and with just a goddamn scissor.. now my hair is short,, waah.. eniwey,, what's done is done.. hmm.. what else happend.. waah,, c joseph,, nung magka-amnesia pati pagiisip naapektuhan.. nababaliw na ata.. my bestfriend's going crazy.. ohmigod!! eniway.. san ba makikita ung lyrics ng okei na by milk N money!! kaka-addict eh.. hehehe.. know what? i'll let u in a secret.. axel.. my bestfriend's twin brother,, he's getting freakier by the moment.. my god!! kambal nga cla.. what else to say? ung mayabang na bakasyonista noon sa men.. he's back.. damn.. at mayabang pa rin xa.. would believe it.. just the other day.. he said.. 'bkit ba naiinis ka sken? o baka naman nagpapancn k lan xe crush mo ko.' HALLER!!! eew!! i admit it.. he's good-looking and everything.. pero.. sa ugali.. TURN-OFF!!! imagine.. ang yabang.. maybe he's good-lucking.. and damn.. he's effing rich.. but he's not my type.. i'm still in the proces of healing noh.. waah,, wala pa pala ako gift kay rosa.. hay.. so much to do so little time.. waah.. ang inet-inet pa.. i think after this summer.. i would become a smoked bacon!! imagine.. someone as big as me.. walking under the heat of the sun?? mygod!! hay!! wala na ako masabe.. hirap talaga mag-give up ng tao.. hay.. dunno wat to do anymore.. hope this heat.. would just not melt what is left of my brain.. but also what is left of him.. hehehe..hay..starlight, starbright, where are you Mr. right?? la lang.. WAAH!! ang cute ni francis!! hahaha.. la lang.. CIAO!!!