senseless..

guess its really time to move on.. live everything behind.. after all, im hoping for the impossible... i really hate this feeling.. to expect for something.. yet get disappointed if it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to.. why can't i have an amnesia and just forget everything for once.. i know i can never have him still i cant help myself.. mahal ko na ba xa?? yan lagi ko tinatanong sa sarili ko.. but im not really sure.. i've cried.. yeah i still do up to now.. i cry for him so many times before.. well, actually,, not for him.. i dont cry for him but i cry because of him.. i wanted him to notice me so badly.. and he does.. but not as i wanted him to.. am just a friend..always a friend.. forever friends.. sana inde na lan ako nakpag-close sa kanya.. maybe i wont feel this.. gadz!! i need a diversion.. i cant concentrate on my studies anymore.. am losing my focus... my mind is always centered on him.. but his' always wanders to someone else.. and worse.. worse.. i cant say it.. am not good in voicing out what i feel.. what more in writing them.. i only wanted one thing.. from the very beggining.. to be loved and never left alone.. feeling ko xe talaga mag-isa na ako.. inde ko masabe toh kay mama at daddy pero feeling ko talaga.. wala lan.. yaw ko ng maging childish.. pero nu ba magagawa ko.. etoh talaga ako.. i want to grow up.. leave my childish antics behind.. act my age.. yaw ko mapag-iwanan ng edad ko.. pero malayo pa hahabulin ko.. gusto ko na lan tumakbo ng tumakbo at tumakas.. gusto ko na lan magpakalayo-layo at kalimutan lahat-lahat.. gusto ko na xang makalimutan.. putik!! ngaun ko lan nafeel toh.. after years of pinning for someone who doesn't know that my feelings exist for him.. only i existed.. only yvette as a friend existed and nothing more.. up to now.. am just a friend.. and till tomorrow i'll just be a friend.. OKEI!! this is getting nowhere... might as well stop this now.. im getting more and more depressed but the moment.. because i know,, no matter how i show him how much i care for him.. he would never notice me.. for am not pretty or sexy to pass his standards... now is the right time to accept that cruel fact.. that i can never be someone special to him.. only a friend..just a friend..