life sucks!!

I've always loved life.. i love living it.. everything about it.. but now.. im starting to hate it.. I just wanted to cry.. ang hirap talaga.. when you cannot tell other people what you feel.. when you wanted to free yourself of that burden but you dont know how.. when you wanted to scream all your anger and pains away but you know you are not allowed.. sbe nga nila.. everything happens for a reason.. but what i cannot understand is.. why the means are sometimes so hard.. i feel so alone.. abandoned.. I've alwasys thought I have lots of friends.. konti lan pala.. I've always thought that I am friendly.. nananginip lan ata ako.. ewan ko.. basta.. ewan.. all I know is.. life sucks..

traumatized..continuation..

where did i stopped?.. oh.. there.. my partner turned red.. tapos napaupo xa.. at first i thought he got pissed off.. then i realized later on that he was laughing.. and from then on.. everytime we do the step where we have to look at each other.. lage na xang tumatawa.. aba.. anu akala niya sa aken?.. CLOWN!?!.. anyway.. it was a very tiring day.. after nun.. nanakit na buo kong katawan.. grabe.. kakatrauma talaga.. that was the first ever cotilion i've attended.. at trauma talaga ako.. sobra kapagod.. katamad.. kagutom.. lahat na.. waah.. lapet na nga b-day niya.. tube ang gown.. wala ako shawl.. waah.. pakapalan na lan ng mukha ito.. =p.. then... by 7pm.. tapos na ang practice.. uwe ako bulacan.. ang saya.. nuon lan ako nakauwe na bulacan ng late.. xempre.. my mom and dad scolded me.. dun lan naman cla nagkakasundo eh.. sa pagpagalit sa aken..=p.. aion.. i reached home at around 9-930pm.. okei lan.. bilis naman byahe.. then the next day.. late na ren ako lumuwas.. mga ganong oras din.. but the difference is.. my dad picked me up at sm north edsa.. walang tiwalang makakrating ako ng maayos na mag-isa.. sus.. aion.. tapos.. kanina.. tuesday.. as usual.. nagpakabaliw nanaman kame sa kakaprogram... pahirapan blues nanaman.. patayan.. waah.. inuulan na ako ng fifty.. baket?!?!.. tapos.. sabay kame ni jr mag-lunch.. wala lang.. trip lan namen..aion.. hay.. aaral na ako.. may quiz ako stats, itlab at nstp bukas.. aion lan.. =p

traumatized!!

July 24, 2004 - Sunday

We went to Cavite(Cath's house) to have the last minute general practice for Cath's big day this coming Saturday.. We we're supposed to meet at the usths benches at exactly 8am.. but i was in school an hour earlier because I attended the mass together with my 'pakner'.. then we went directly to 7/11 after the mass.. because I am very-very hungry.. anyway.. after that we waited for Cath and the others at the benches.. then.. wehn cath arrived.. we went to cavite.. the practice started at 10am.. grabe!! kapagod!!.. at.. marame akong natutunang terms na favorite banggitin ng aming instructor:

1.) galing sa bilog!
2.) hawakan ang partner!
3. ) compress!
4.) pause!
5.) five-six

astig diba?.. anyway.. may isa pa pala na nakakatwang nangyare.. there is this step where we have to look at our partners.. it is something like this.. we are postioned back-to-back.. then we are supposed to look at each other.. eh nung kame nung partner ko ang magtinginan.. sabe ko.. "BOO!".. the look in his face was priceless.. his face turned red.. and lets just continue later.. =p.. pinapagalitan na ako ng prof..

when you applied logic to algebra..

malalaman mo ang sagot.. the other-other-other night.. i applied logic to algeb and charan!.. i already know which is which.. i am inlove with number 2.. so.. it is shin indeed.. want to know how i did it?.. well.. at first.. i applied inferential thinking.. (logic)..=).. i listed down all the possible reason why/why not i should be in love with whom.. in the case of sean.. he's nice.. he's responsible.. ang cute niya mag-smile.. kaya lan.. sobrang baet na niya.. na parang.. ohmigod.. i wanted a man.. not a saint.. and he's so responsible.. all he thinks about is his studies.. i know.. our studies are important.. but i think he should loosen up a bit.. enjoy life.. so.. he's out of the list.. i think we're better off as friends.. kesa pag-pantsyahan ko pa xa.. moving on..

there is ryoi-chan.. i don't know if i'm just dreaming that day o masakit lan ang tiyan mo and you acted that way.. xe nung araw na un.. ang sweet mo sobra.. you are like my knight in a shining armor with an umbrella.. pero ngaun.. you are colder than ice.. before.. whenever i see you.. you always smile at me.. say a word or two.. but now.. you dont even look my way.. what's wrong with you?.. anyway.. that is the very reason why i listed him out of my list..

lastly, my dear shin.. his cold look combined with his oh so very rare smile remind me of a character in Judith Mcnaught's novels.. he reminds me so much of Jordan Townsende.. anyway.. i can also feel his wickedness.. but in a good sense.. yeah.. wicked but good.. at ska nga pala.. though he rarely smiles.. i can feel na kwela xa sobra.. anyway.. of all the three.. shin is the most mysterious one.. parang kilala ko na xa na inde pa.. basta.. para xang jigsaw puzzle.. and everytime na may mabuo ako part.. o kaya mahanpa na piece.. it would be a very heady victory.. basta ganon.. aion..

so.. that's it.. algebra applied logic is a very useful tool.. it helped me solve my dilemma.. now.. i'm already decided.. though.. i still like sean and ryoi-chan.. it is shin whom i am in love with.. yey!!

i think im inlove <-- corny but true!!

waah!! I am inlove again.. with whom?.. well.. actually.. i dont know ;p.. its just that.. waah.. i haven't felt this feeling for such a long time.. it is like the first time I saw 'frangab'.. I actually dont know whom I am inlove with.. coz.. whatever it may seem.. I like these 3 guys at the same time.. mind you.. it is like not love.. so it is not bad at all.. anyway.. i like them.. but somehow.. i feel something else for one of them.. im just not yet sure who.. there is guy no. 1.. i named him sean.. don't ask why.. he looks innocent and somewhat like a child.. don't know why.. but im really attracted to him.. perhaps it was his smile(CLICHE!!).. and the aura of innocence surrounding him.. para kameng yin-yang.. and instead of him.. ako ung yang.. xe ako ung bad at xa ung yin.. my goodness.. then there is guy no. 2.. i named him shinichi naman.. from the japanese name generator.. anyway.. unlike sean.. shinichi has this aura of maturity in him.. he is not that handsome.. pero malakas ang dating.. he is also a bit snob.. medyo aloof nga eh.. pero nakak-dagdag lan yun sa x-factor niya.. basta.. natutuwa ako pag nakikita ko xa.. lastly.. guy no. 3.. and i named him ryoichi.. again.. from the japanese name generator.. i dont know why i like him in the first palce.. except for that incident which i wont mention.. anyway.. since that day.. i felt this strong attraction to him.. it is as if i wanted to see him everyday.. and damn!!.. i make all kinds of excuses just to see him..
WAAH!! im really confused!! i know i am inlove with one of them.. but i dont really know to whom.. oh god!! this indecision is leading me nowhere.. might as well just study my lesson.. i have a quiz tomorrow..

to write, to be interviewed and then finally, to pass!!

last, i can't remember when.. I took the TEM(thomasian eng'g media) qualifying test.. and as written above the test paper.. it was a killer exam.. i wrote 3 news article, 2 features, 2 special, a technical, a literary and one freestyle.. and i did it all in 5 hours!!! oh! how my hand ached and my head throbbed after Im through with that.. but all the pain is worth.. I passed the qualifying test.. and thinking that that was all to it.. i could've celebrated.. if only I didn't saw that I still have to pass the qualifying interview.. determined as I can be.. I attended the interview.. first there was a informal interview.. where all of the TEM staff were there.. armed with any questions they wanted to ask you.. and the one to be interviewed is armed with nothing but one corny joke we are asked to prepare.. the interview was conducted on a monday.. luckily.. ralph's PE was on a monday.. so I asked him if he could accompany.. kahit sandali lan.. he waited with me for a while.. until val came.. then ralph left.. I was second to the last to be interviewed, I think.. so.. all I did was wait.. at gutom na ako.. finally.. iinterviewhin na ako.. aion.. some ask serious questions.. like.. tell us why should we get you.. prove that you are worthy to be a TEM staffer.. things like that.. and the others ask out fo the world silly questions.. like.. are you in a relationship and where do you live.. nervous as I am.. I still enjoyed that interview.. kahit xe nakakakaba.. kwela cla kasama.. and mind you.. naka-video pa ako.. habang iniinterview.. anyway..aion.. tapos.. before they let me go.. they asked me to tell them a joke.. corny nga ung joke.. kaya lang.. may kumagat eh.. kaya aion.. natawa cla.. forgot who fell for it.. but his reaction was priceless.. then aion.. onto the next room.. formal interview na.. when i left that room.. i was near to tears and really sure that i would fail the interview.. aba!! na-okray ng sobra ang aking gawa.. pero.. tama naman cla... medyo informal nga talaga ung dating ng iba kong gawa.. so.. iniisip ko nun.. 'yvette.. nagffeeling ka lan.. inde ka talaga marunong magsulat!'.. aion.. pero okei lan.. atleast.. i tried and see.. kesa naman.. puro na lan ako what if.. aion.. Thank GOd!! pumasa naman ako!! and now.. I am a certified TEM staffer na!! yahoo!! last friday nga.. in-orient ako ni kuya jaime.. aion.. pinakilala ren ako sa iba.. tapos.. aion.. masaya naman.. then.. last monday.. we had our general assembly.. parang getting to know each other.. we started with a pillow game.. where you should know the name of the person who would pass you the pillow.. eh.. c kuya genesis??<-- tma ba?.. ung nagpass saken.. if you didn't know the name.. xempre may punishment.. aion.. then.. after the game.. chi-cha muna.. then.. we talked about the different projects of the tem.. starting with the journal.. may assignment na nga kame agad eh.. partners kame ni val.. something about engineers whou didn't want to be one at first.. anyway.. tapos.. meron na ren pinagagawa samen c kuya orville.. fellow ics student at ska tech section ed.. pinagagwa niya kame ng article about latest gadgets at ska.. about eleap.. aion.. dame gagawen noh!! pahirap pa c sir mike!! waah!! 50 lan ako sa last activity.. aion.. tapos.. aion.. i did it!! yey!! te na ako.. pero xempre.. pa-shy effect muna ako.. kahit inde nman.. hehehe.. aion.. =)

First week.. continuation..

this is the continuation of my previous post.. well.. anyway.. after the 'boring' orientation.. Ayna went home na.. ako.. nagstay pa ko UST xe antayin ko pa c daddy.. sabay kame simba.. kaya aion.. magkasama kame ni kevin xe inaanty niya c alu.. kaya aion.. UBE kame.. as in ultimate bonding experience.. tapos aion.. nung lumabas na c alu.. lumabas na ren cla angge.. kame naman ni angge ang nag-UBE.. =p.. namiss xe namin ang isa't-isa eh.. anyway.. sabay na ren kame nagsimba.. i mean.. pumunta sa church.. xe c angge.. kasama niya family at ako.. kasama ko cla daddy.. aion.. tapos magcmba.. nuod kame ng mr. and mrs. smith.. maganda xa.. kakatuwa.. tapos nun.. uwe na kame.. uneventful maxado noh.. tinuloy ko pa.. iksi n lan.. anyway.. that completes my first week of school..=p